Alone

Though I have many friends and I have some family I talk to now and then, I feel so alone at times. My hubby is great, but my self esteem is a little down. I don't always feel up to being intimate. Yes.. this is what I said. I have gained another me in weight from what I once was. I have tried just about everything to loose weight and I just can't seem to keep it off. I loose I gain. I have now consulted my physician to hopefully get a hold of this. I don't feel like I am giving him what he needs so he I don't feel like he is really happy. He says he is but at times I look at him and he looks mad or unhappy. Maybe I am over reacting. I wish that I just really knew. He says things to satisfy me. Why men do that to women I will never know. I would rather know how you really feel and know the truth than a sugar coated lie to say what I want to hear.

I wish I had my family and friends closer and now I am moving even farther away. I am excited to go to Alaska, but at the same time so sad to leave my family and friends even father than what I am now. Sometimes when I feel down, I wish I could go grab my BFF and her kids and go get ice cream. Or something. I would love to get out more often but it just seems like I can never do it when I want to. I think at times I still battling that depression demon. I have not been feeling down til this week. Is it because I am turning 41 today. Maybe it is. Mid-life crisis. Maybe so. Who knows. I just need strength to get through it and pray.

New Me

Today is a new day. I only want positive thoughts and positive people in my life. Yes everyone has bad days, but who wants to be around a Debbie Downer or an attention whore. Yes I said that word. People that need to cling to others, turn on them and talk about them with others to try to get them to like them. I used to try to please all of my so-called friends. But I would never go back to that time in my life. I learned that if someone loved me for me, then they would then accept me as a friend and we would be lifetime friends. Since coming to Fort Stewart, GA, I have met some very nasty, mean people, but I have also met some lifetime friends and would not change it for the world. I am hoping to move on to our next adventure soon and start making new friends in that chapter of our life. I truly have one best friend that simply gets me like no other. She has been there when others turned and I was there for her throughout things that no other could understand. I know her secrets as she knows mine. I want so badly to be closer to her and my adopted family. Hopefully when retirement settles in, we can then enjoy this crazy wonderful life together.