Lessons

Lessons in life and homework. I went to my best friends house for three weeks and it was not anything like I expected. She has two small kids now and things have changed. I did  not expect to go out and party, although I did expect to do more things with her family more so than her husbands family. I guess there was too much going on and I got sick when I was there and so did they. I also let my homework get behind because I could not concentrate because I was not used to the loud noises all day and into the late night. I know they are just kids, but I am used to kids being on somewhat of a schedule and going to bed at a decent hour like at the latest 8 for a 1 and 2 year old. I guess maybe that is just my opinion. But most parents I know put their little ones to bed by then at that age. Anyways, I just could not concentrate and I let my grades drop. My fault....period. No excuses.

I really want to go back and hang out with my best friend but I do not know how to approach her without hurting her feelings or her getting upset with me. I just want to tell her, your kids will be fine with other people if you want a babysitter and let's just go out and have a good time at the rodeo or whatever. It is okay. It does not make you a bad parent. Geez. Anyways, I feel bad for feeling the way I do, but it is how I feel. I just want my BEST FRIEND!!! I love her to death and I felt like I was seeing her fall into this trap of someone I don't know. She seems happy but still sad underneath it all. Hard to explain.

Missing

I find myself missing from my past, present and future. Yes this does not make sense to you, but to me it does. I miss a lot of my friends and how it was from my past, my family how it was before and the present now it not what I expect it to be and I sometimes want it to be like it was. I see in the future I will expect more and get less but that is okay. Changes will not always be what we expect and sometimes it is often better for us although we may not see the good of it at that time. God has a plan for each of us. And that plan for us will be followed to the good or bad. It is up to us to choose that path. I pray some days so selfishly not thinking what the real world needs. Shame on me for that. Other days I pray so hard for others that tears fall, and they never even know I prayed for them. I pray for people that despise me. My mom always told me to pray for your enemies because they need it most. I never knew I would come across anyone in this world that would despise me. I know a few and I really do not know a whole lot that I could have said or done to change things differently. We all say or do things we shouldn't and it is up to us to own up to it and I did. For them to do what they did well, I forgave them and I continue to pray. That is all I can do and hope one day that they can find peace in their heart to forgive me. That is all I can ask for.